Holla Holla How You Say?!?!?!?

Life is happening CRAZY FAST.
Way faster than "Half-Cheetah-Speed" ...
(which is around 30-35 mph).

I just had my bridal shower - which was a strangely beautiful, 
yet surreal experience.
A lot of people were there:  
family friends, 
friends from high school, 
church buddies, 
people I barely know...

And it went by so fast...
I was afraid of not really living it out.
You know,
being present.

It felt strange to celebrate getting married - 
Don't get me wrong, 
I'm so stoked about Tan's and my wedding...
And I've been looking forward to a lifetime with him for years...
But I can't believe it's almost here.

So much has been going on 
and people have been busy 
and I've been busy
and sometimes
Well, Sometimes
I forget to savor it.

I feel like I can't enjoy it.
Like I'm not allowed to until everyone else is happy 
and comfortable and tended to
or else 
I'm selfish.

Now, I know this is ridiculous, 
but let me just gush it out for a bit.
I keep getting weirdly stressed out about things that aren't worth a gray hair.
I live with my family, but feel alone in this big house everyday.
We live separate lives.
And Tanner's working so hard on finishing his degree.
It's just lonely.

I know it's going to be okay.
I know these next 60 days will fly by.
I just want a day where I can be strong enough 
to resist the pull to please people all the time,
or have a day without caring 
if they think I'm being a 
and to just focus on pleasing Christ.

You know, 
I need to retreat somewhere 
away from the noise 
and demands 
of all this planning 
and running around
and mailing and stuffing and blah blah blah...

It's time I retreat to a small,
where I can talk to God for a while,
maybe write to Him about my weird anxiety 
that keeps flaring up,
or about how sometimes I wish 
I had just moved up to Reno when I graduated
just to let go of everything and leave it all behind.

This is precious time,
and I don't want to waste it obsessing over stupid ribbons
or excel spreadsheets at work
or that I do 95% of the house work in a home of 4 adults.

I feel like packing tonight.

I did have a kick-ass bridal shower though.
Just saying.


  1. bridal showers are so great...especially when they're YOURS.

  2. Your bridal shower was so cute and fun :)

    And I know so much about how you feel. Like, who really thought there would come a day when you would obsess over ribbons and tablecloths? Ugh! But, for all the stress that wedding planning can be, once it's over, you are relieved but kinda miss it, all the same...at least that's how I've felt. BUT you'll have plenty of things to distract you after the wedding!
    Anyways, one of the best best things to do when you're feeling like that is to go on a big long hike. You down?? I know it's cold, but you can get lost on a trail (not in a I-need-a-search-party kinda way!). It's the greatest.

  3. Wow. Alissa, that was exactly what I needed to hear :) Thanks for the suggestion and know that I love you! Also, thank you for sharing! :D


Speak your mind.