Feeling Silly

I've always had a hard time crying.

For some reason, I think,
deep down inside my brain -
or maybe my stomach -
I've always hated it.

Crying makes me feel weak,
I get so embarrassed when I usually cry
because I've been bottling myself up for so long,
and then I have this weird explosion of self 
all over people in public
and it's just plain awkward and humiliating.

But, I've realized some things.
God gave us emotions.
They don't just pop up to help us mate or something.
We're supposed to feel and reflect and explode a little sometimes.

Perhaps God makes me cry to remind me that it's okay to feel,
and that there's nothing wrong with crumbling  a little here and there, 
for the sake of letting Him in.

I'm allowed to cry.
There, I said it.

And this whole moving and getting married and leaving my loved ones and
change change change
is stressful.
It makes me sad to say goodbye to my parents 
and brother
and my friends
and my dog, 
yes, even my dog.

It's true, I'm getting married.

And it's true, I am blessed and excited 
to finally live with the man I've waited over 5 years to be with (!!!) -
but I believe it's okay for me to grieve leaving as well.

It's weird.
I feel like a tangled mess of syrup and spaghetti
which separately are pretty cool and alright to deal with,
but together,
well, you just don't know what to do with it.

Unless you're Buddy the Elf.
Then you savor it for all it's worth.

Good thinking, Buddy...

Now, back to packing :)
This is how I draw in the morning.


  1. I love your packing list. I think if all lists were drawn graphics, we could follow them a bit better. I've always been the visual type.

  2. i WISH i had that problem. I'm always crying for some reason or another.

  3. me too! im a cryaholic! "syrup and spaghetti"- youre so silly.


Speak your mind.